Dear Parents -- here is your guide for thriving (not just surviving) another pandemic school year
xoxo, this epidemiologist mama
Dear parents —
I don’t know about you, but parenting through a pandemic was not what I signed up for. Between virtual school, activities canceled, sickness, fear, loneliness, too much time indoors, and the lack of routine — these past 18 months have been challenging. And with the new school year quickly approaching, COVID is on my mind…
As many of you know, I am an epidemiologist mama. I have two kiddos (a 12-year-old daughter who is vaccinated & a 9-year-old son who is not) and have been working in the field of public health for more than 20 years. My passion and calling in life is to create healthy communities. I am a scientist; am committed to preventive healthcare; love research; advocate for vaccines; and have dedicated my career to educating the next generation of public health professionals.
As an epidemiologist, I know one thing — the COVID-19 pandemic rages on and it is not going away; other epidemiologists, including (the esteemed) Dr. Larry Brilliant, are boldly declaring —
“That the world is nowhere near the end of the COVID pandemic.”
Case counts are rising, the reproductive number (R-nought) of the Delta variant is at least 2 times higher than other variants, the belief that COVID is a disease of old age is SIMPLY NOT TRUE - our kids are getting sick, and vaccination rates are not high enough to create herd immunity. The upcoming school year will be disrupted by COVID-19. Please be prepared for quarantines, requests for negative COVID test results, canceled events, virtual learning, and (sadly) illness, hospitalizations, and (possibly) death.
And to be clear — I believe and will continue to advocate for masking mandates in all classrooms (from preschool through college; K-12 and graduate school).
Masking indoors is NECESSARY at this point in the pandemic.
Over the past few weeks/months, as parents we have had the chance to argue, fight, and protest about masks. As we head into the new school year, we must stop yelling at each other and demanding that we are right or that we have the freedom to choose.
Fighting about masking may be your way of surviving, an attempt to gain control over a highly transmissible infectious disease. Masks are needed in our fight against COVID-19. And wearing masks will not determine if your kids have a successful school year. Our attitudes and behaviors are way more important to our kids than a mask.
I’m inspired today by the movie Almost Perfect and the line by Lester Bangs who says --
“The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you are uncool.”
I am the nerdy epidemiologist mama (being cool is just not who I am, and for everyone who is antimask, I am the uncoolest of the uncool), but here goes…
As parents, we’ve had our chance to yell and protest. And now we need to turn our attention to our kids and their education…
I believe our kids need to feel encouragement and support as they enter the new school year. Telling them they cannot learn while masked or filling them with fear if masks are not required in their school is NOT setting them up to have a successful school year. The start of a new school year is stressful without a pandemic - new classes, teachers, expectations, friends, and bus routes. The number of new and uncertain things is infinite. As parents, we cannot add to this high anxiety time with our own feelings and opinions about masks. WE JUST CANNOT.
Our kids need our support and encouragement — what they need is a positive learning environment at home as well as a curious and adventurous spirit in which to approach the new school year. To me, this means being a cheerleader. I am trying to get my kids excited about the new year. I’m asking them questions about what they are worried about, what they are most looking forward to, and what they need (physically & emotionally) to be successful this year. Masking is not part of the conversation.
As our kids head back to school, we - as parents - need to talk less and smile more (to quote Aaron Burr in Hamilton) or maybe better yet… listen to our kids and validate their feelings. Unloading our pandemic frustration, fear, and fatigue onto our kids is not setting them up for a successful school year. Kids need a back-to-school pep rally at home — in our family, we did some back-to-school shopping together, we are talking about weekly schedules and the extracurricular activities we want to pursue this year, we are thinking through new morning routines, and we are just talking. My oldest is in 8th grade and between hard classes, pre-high school anxiety, middle school awkwardness, and hormones — things are a little stressful right now. As a parent, my focus needs to turn to her and her fears, needs, and concerns. Placing my frustrations and strong opinions on her is not setting her up for success this school year (it’s hard enough for her that I’m on the news regularly).
To thrive this year - regardless of your opinion on masking — let’s put the focus on our kids and their education. I believe thriving this year means (and the NY Times supports most of these thoughts) —
Focusing on the process of education - this means working with our kids to determine how they learn best, what motivates them to learn, and where are they struggling. The process of learning is of the utmost importance.
Establishing a routine; how are things going to get done day-to-day and week-to-week. Routine helps kids manage their expectations and feel in control of things.
Encouraging our kids to advocate for themselves and talk through how they are feeling. This can be as simple as naming our daily highs and lows to each other. But it is important to just listen - and to know that complaining about mask-wearing every day is not authentic sharing.
Caring for (with both our words and actions) the teachers, coaches, bus drivers, and administrators who are working each and every day to educate our kids. Stepping into a classroom to teach in the midst of a pandemic can be nerve-wracking. And teachers were not trained to be pandemic experts or epidemiologists. Let’s not ask our teachers to be more than who they already are. And let’s honor the roles each of them play in our children’s educational experiences. Please remember - the decision to mask or not mask was not theirs.
Recognizing that as parents we may not have all the answers. I’m going to be blunt, being a parent does NOT make you an expert in disease prevention or pandemic research. As a family, please work to identify trusted sources of information. Find experts (I’m right here — your epidemiologist mama) and ask them questions together. Seek out opportunities to learn together. Commit to creating a healthy family/community in the midst of this pandemic.
Communicating with our kids about risk. COVID is one risk facing our kids in school. We need to talk about it (quarantines, sick friends, handwashing, distancing, vaccinations), but we also need to talk about other hard things (age appropriately) like sex, consent, teen pregnancy, alcohol abuse, substance abuse, bullying, helmet wearing, smoking, vaping, seatbelts, guns/violence, and more.
Parenting today is hard. The number of topics we have to discuss (and I mean truly discuss — we cannot just tell our kids that vaping is bad; we should discuss with them the risks, the science, and our own experiences and expectations). These discussions can be long and awkward, but they need to happen. The more we do the hard work and bring up the awkward subjects the easier it becomes for everyone. And at some point talking about COVID and masks becomes easier than conversations around bullying and sex!
**Side note — our dinner conversations often touch on these subjects. And getting into a car with me for a road trip is like opening a Pandora’s Box of awkward conversations.
Thriving this year will NOT be determined by mask mandates (but we will have fewer cases of disease with masking). Thriving will be determined by our attitudes as parents, the support and love to give to our children, the encouragement and care we share with educators, and our ability to do the hard thing, which is to put aside our opinions and politics and do everything possible to cheerlead our kids throughout another pandemic school year.
Parents, we have had time to yell and scream. We need to place our effort on our kids and their education. If you are anti-mask, challenge your kid to become a scientist who is able to conduct meaningful and applicable mask research. If you cannot stop talking about the lack of mask mandates, encourage your kids to develop their communication skills so that they can advocate for new mandates. In the midst of the pandemic, a new school year signals new beginnings and as we establish new routes, we can also change our attitudes and do the hard work of parenting. The simple truth is —
Let’s pay attention to our families and the education of our kids. Please trust the public health experts, and let us do our job so that we can bring an end to the pandemic (if you’d just let us). Let’s thrive this year despite COVID.
xoxo, this epidemiologist mama
PS — struggle with talking to your kids about COVID, other diseases, sex, alcohol, drugs, let’s talk!