An Open Letter to the Pandemic Parents

This letter is intended for all the parents opposed to masking in schools

To all the pandemic parents (especially those fighting the mask mandates),

Living through a pandemic has been hard; the extra stress of parenting through the pandemic has been even harder. Over the past 18 months, we’ve had to navigate remote schooling, hybrid classrooms, quarantines, potential exposures, school closures, the cancelation of so many important events (we are still mourning that there was no Nutcracker performance last year in our house), and the fears, anxieties, and confusion that COVID has brought into our communities, schools, and families. We’ve had to negotiate friend/family pods (or quaranTEAMS, as we call them), cancel or reschedule trips, and deal with sicknesses and deep nasal swab tests.

The pandemic has been exhausting. And yet, as parents we have little time to rest because there is parenting to do. There has been no shortage of confusion, misinformation, or differences in opinion. There is no book providing advice/guidance about parenting through a pandemic; we are building the airplane as we fly it (nothing like attempting to parent at 30,000 feet while assembling, testing, and putting new engines in place).

The pandemic and the (subsequent) exhaustion are not over.

I know this is hard to read, but it is true. Every metric that we have to help us understand where we are along the pandemic timeline, tells us that we are still in the midst of the fourth surge. Mortality (deaths) is catching up with the upswing in cases that began in August. The data and stories related to kids and COVID (especially those that look at hospitalizations, long-COVID, and death) are SCARY. The school year has just begun, and we are experiencing quarantines, school outbreaks, virtual school, and the cancelation of sporting and other extracurricular events.

This is really hard.

And as pandemic parents, I believe we can all agree on (at least) two things —

First, COVID sucks.

And second, we all want our kids to have amazing childhoods. We want them to be healthy and happy. We want minimal COVID disruptions to their learning and lives. For me, I want ballet lessons and an in-person performance (Beauty & the Beast) to take place in the spring. I want all the soccer games. And I want my kids to enjoy stage combat (yes, we attend a school that teaches our kids how to safely plan and enact battle/fighting scenes on the stage!).

This is what we want, yes?

We want the pandemic to end, and we want the burden of COVID to be lifted.

Can we work together to make this a reality?

I hope so - but now we have to talk about masking.

I have heard all of you who are against masking in schools. I have heard your pleas (and sometimes not nice words) at school board meetings. I have seen your signs. I have read the lawsuits you have filed.

I hear you.

As I said before, COVID sucks.

I have heard you say that you know what is best for your child. (And this may surprise you…) I believe this is true. You are the parent. That kid you are fighting for is yours and you love them. You want this school year to be amazing. You want them to pursue their dreams and explore the world around them without a mask.

I get it.

Masks suck. I miss seeing people’s faces. Finding masks that fit and don’t fog up my glasses has been a real challenge. The extra laundry to keep the masks clean sucks.

I do agree that you know and want what is best for your kid.

HOWEVER — in the midst of the fourth surge of a pandemic (that is killing our children, landing them in the hospital, and keeping them from school and activities) masking is not an individual decision. It is not about rights and freedom.

Masking is about community health, safe schools, and slowing the spread of disease throughout our communities, country, and world.

I understand your position that masking is not best for your kid. Seriously, I hear you. BUT, masking is not just about your kid. Your kid lives in a world where they come in contact with others. Where they share space, equipment, and air (where this virus is hanging out and making so many people sick).

Masking is a community intervention aimed at reducing disease spread.

Masking works best when we all agree to wear our masks.

I hear you say that not wearing a mask is best for your child. However, what about my kid? or the kids with cancer or asthma at the school? what about the teachers? and the bus drivers? what about the kid whose dad runs the ICU at the local hospital?

If your kid comes to school with COVID (they may be feeling fine and have no symptoms) and doesn’t wear their mask, they are still contagious. Despite not having any symptoms (because just like you have said in your arguments against masks “my kids immune system is strong and they don’t get sick”) your kid might be spreading COVID to others. This is not your fault nor your kids.

Let’s all blame our common enemy: the SARS-CoV-2 virus!

While many decisions about our kid’s health are ours to make as parents - what they eat, how much sleep they get, how much time they spend exercising or playing video games, can they drink juice or soda, do they get whole milk, 2%, or soy - decisions related to infectious diseases are NOT ours to make independently. We must work together. We must understand and respect that the decisions made by one family will have a direct impact on other families and their kids.

Knowing what is best for your kid in the middle of a pandemic is different than knowing what is best for your kid in non-pandemic times. There is no playbook for parenting through a pandemic. So please hear me out…

Knowing what is best for your kid in the middle of a pandemic means that we have to work together. We need to set aside personal and political disagreements and focus on what we have in common, which is the pandemic sucks. We want it to end. We need to work together with a shared goal - of beating COVID, not beating each other up. When an infectious virus is circulating in our community (and canceling all of the things), we cannot work independently of each other. What your family does on the weekend or if you give your kid permission to take their mask off on the bus - threatens my family and others.

Masking is not about individual choice. Nor is it a threat to your work to do what is best for your child.

Masking is a public health intervention to end the pandemic.

Masking works best (meaning it will slow disease spread faster) when we all do it.

Masking is a holy and selfless act.

Masking is a way of loving your community and working collaboratively to end this pandemic. The enemy that we are fighting is the SARS-CoV-2 virus. I am not the enemy. The public health director/secretary is not the enemy. We are all fighting the same virus.

And the time has come for all of us to realize that individual actions - deciding what is best family-by-family - are actually increasing the speed at which the enemy/SARS-CoV-2 is spreading.

When you say “I am going to fight the mask mandate; I know what is best for my child,” you are saying to me —

I don’t care about your kid. I don’t care about the teachers or the bus drivers. I am ignoring the fact that we are all living through this together. I don’t love my neighbor.

That hurts. But it is true.

To do what is best for our children at this moment means to do what is best for our communities; to take action against our shared enemy; and to teach our kids the value of loving their neighbors, caring for others, and working collectively to bring an end to the pandemic.

Masking is an act of love, kindness, and care. It decreases disease spread.

I wear my masks (and so do my kids) to protect myself and to protect you. It’s the Golden Rule in action. I ask that you return the favor…

Love,
This epidemiologist mama,
who loves her kids and yours and wants the pandemic to end